I’m hypersensitive to caffeine. I can only drink one cup of coffee a week, and not too strong. Usually the caffeine energizes me. I can work 14 hours straight. It’s like speed.
Other times I get panic attacks. They’re managed through slow and deep breathing and are more of a nuisance than anything else.
Today, after a cup of coffee, I am experiencing what I understand to be dissociation. I can’t feel my body. I feel as though I am air. I went through my daily workout like butter. I felt no tiredness. I had to force myself to stop so that I would not injure muscles.
This experience has happened before. It makes you realize that when you associate with the body and the mind, how much it slows you down and weakens you.
In this dissociative state I can see more clearly where people are adhering to body and mind.
This state feels like liberation. Is it? No. It’ll pass.
Is it like an out of the body experience? Not at all. An OBE is a separation from the body so that you know yourself as awareness while viewing your body. It feels like a true separation.
This caffeine-induced dissociation is more like a body dissolution experience. There is nothing to be “out of.”
How does this experience I’m having relate to enlightenment or liberation? This experience passes. Soon I’ll be back to feeling tired, dragging sometimes, back to my old self, which, don’t get me wrong, is a good self.
Do I like these dissociative experiences? No. You need to be in touch with your body in day to day living. In crisis situations or extreme events, your body may kick into a dissociative state in which you function with superhuman strength and ease. Athletes, dancers, anyone who gets deeply involved in an activity may know of such states. But for everyday living where I’m watching TV, chatting online, and building a new website, who the heck needs it?
How do you terminate a dissociative state? Probably a tranquilizer would work. For me, food helps. The deep and slow breathing that alleviates panic attacks doesn’t help with dissociation because “there is no body” to calm. I’ve also used Mystress Angelique’s Grounding Exercise, which seems to re-draw the body.
The bottom line is that this experience is not enlightenment.
