Spiritual Dimension Found Missing: Report

Nondual Metaphysics Laboratories Press Release
CERN Switzerland April 1, 2010

Since its first activation, the Large Hardon
Particle Collider has been the reason for
much speculation, and even fear, as several
prominent Particle Physicists have proposed
serious ‘side effects’ resulting in unwanted
consequences, such as the instantaneous
disintegration of planet Earth, swarms of
tiny black holes, or even the opening of gateways
to other dimensions, releasing malevolent
entities such as robo-skeletons or invisible

Dr Gene Poole
, director of metaphysical
investigations, has ruled out the above
doomsday scenarios as at least highly
unlikely, if not impossible. Based upon
his meticulously collected and compiled
data, and simulations performed using
ranks of ultimate supercomputers, he has
instead found a rather unexpected
consequence to the operation of the LHC;
the mysterious vanishing of the entire
dimension of ‘spirituality’.

In this excerpted interview with Dr Poole,
we attempt to discover the implications of
this puzzling disappearance:

NML: Dr Poole, we have read your latest
report, but we fail to understand how this
will impact our lives. Can you explain?

GP: Certainly. I have discovered the utter
obliteration of all things spiritual. What
follows from that, will eventually cascade
into what will be major life-changes for
everyone who exists. And for the first time,
everyone will actually, in fact, exist.

NML: Are you saying that unlike before,
our existence is not a mere factor of
memory-in-consciousness, but has
become (pardon the expression) mere
meat and blood and so-on?

GP: Exactly so. Somehow, by means of
these experimentations into base
cosmology, we have inadvertently erased
or deleted the very dimension of spirit,
leaving only mortality. We suddenly have
become ‘meat cars colliding in the night’,
to paraphrase the great Dr Robert Crumb.

NML: And this is different than before… how?

GP: Well, advanced spiritual adepts have
always reported by means of their highly
developed awareness, various and sundry
dimensions which the ordinary person is
not aware of, even if directly informed.

But now, my communication channels
are flooded with reports that even the
most-high swamis and channelers have
found absolutely nothing remaining of
those glorious realms of spirit. They are
getting basically a ‘blank screen’ when
they attempt to make contact with
previously known factors of consciousness.

NML: That does sound alarming! And try
as I may, I can find no difference for myself
in those regards, never having made such
contact as those adepts, in spite of having
attended numerous workshops, and so on.

GP: Exactly. It is in fact, as though such
hidden dimensions have never even existed
at all.

NML: This would seem to put the ordinary
person on-par with even the most exalted
gurus and teachers.

GP: And so it is. Even the Pope is now just
an ordinary guy. Thousands of years worth
of recorded spiritual stories, lessons and
scriptures have become irrelevant. In our
new mortal incarnation, such things are best
used as fuel to heat our homes, rather than
as metaphorical carrots dangled inches from
the hungry mind of the seeker.

NML: Wait, I think I am feeling something. Or
that something is missing. Some difference,
anyway. How do you account for this change?

GP: All I know, is that this change occurred
during the last run of the LHC. Many of the
scientists on the scene at the time, those
close to the machine itself, reported a sort
of disappearance of previously sensed but
vague, ‘background hallucinations’, and then
realization of a new level of untrammeled
rationality. One woman reported a sensation
akin to the sudden absence of an itch she
was unaware of having.

NML: How can we confirm this absence?

GP: Well, it is obviously too late to confirm
the presence of the spiritual, for it is now
gone, and maybe for good. So without that
sample, we cannot prove the absence of it,
either. I think it is safe to conclude that the
rank-and-file will notice very little change
internally, but we have still to observe the
outward manifestations of this deletion.

NML: What could that look like?

GP: There are several areas to watch. Take
televangelists, for example. They will
notice nothing different, and they will
thus continue pushing their financial
agendas. But their target audience will
suddenly feel no compulsion to watch
or listen, and least of all to send money.

We already have received several reports
of individuals who during prayer, suddenly
break out in raucous laughter and begin
crying in great relief, stating the irony that
‘my prayers have finally been answered’.

NML: I see. I guess we could say that now,
we can get on with our materialistic,
selfish lives, unburdened by superstitious
hopes and fears.

GP: Indeed, it seems so. But we must
remember that as social humans, we still
live under structures of civil laws, and
so now, lacking spiritual guidance, we
must regulate ourselves by means of
prudence and rationality. Fortunately,
we are no longer prey to the millions
of lies which have claimed our minds for
untold thousands of years.

NML: Would you say that the sudden absence
of the spiritual, may actually have a liberating

GP: I think so, but it may take a while for
this to sink in. Most of us have been in the
habit of giving over our self-regulation to
extrinsic rules as stated by spiritual authority.
And now, there is no such authority. This is
the change, in part. And we have to ask;
of the millions who were harnessed by such
now-nonexistent authority, how many will
be desperately seeking some sort of substitute
authority? Now that divine control is no longer
a factor, will people be able to take up their
own reins?

NML: That is a stunning question, now that I
think about it. If we take the spiritual out of the
equation, will the questions of ‘free will’ and
volition be re-explored?

GP: I can only hope so, but nothing is certain,
but the utter lack of any factor of spirituality.

NML: I hesitate to ask, but what does this say
or do, about our concepts of ‘God’?

GP: Obviously, most of that is ‘down the tubes’,
as they say. There is no evidence to support
the concept of ‘God’ now, but was there ever?
Or was it simply made-up, a fantasy, from the

NML: Yes. Will ‘faith’ now be seen as a form
of insanity?

GP: Probably so, but in the meantime, we can
start planning to convert all churches, mosques,
and other ‘houses of worship’ into confinement
institutions for the faith-afflicted, well before
they begin to run amok in even greater numbers
than today.

I think I can predict a great wave of suicides, as
the faith-afflicted are confronted with the sudden
lack of ‘afterlife’. This will be lamented, but at least
there will be no fear of hell, nor the temptation
to get to heaven by killing people. Entire armies
of those loyal to faith can simply lay down their
weapons, and start life anew.

NML: Do you foresee economic consequences to
this sudden shift?

GP: Yes, especially in the trinket-and-doodad
industries, as well as in the market for scripture,
be it in print, airwaves, or DVD-ROM. And we
can expect benefits also, as churches and even
the entire Vatican are converted into grand hotels,
public markets for garden produce, public
health clinics, and so on.

NML: This may seem ridiculous, but what about
the devil? I am sure that a lot of faith-afflicted
will pronounce this event as ‘his satanic work’.

GP: They may work themselves into a frothing
fury of frenzied fear, but they will soon see that
there is nothing supernatural happening at all,
for good or evil. I can hope that they will eventually
see that all good or evil come from humans, not
some supernatural agency, which by the way,
have all recently expired, if they ever even existed.

It looks like now and forever, we can safely ignore
everything and anything ‘spiritual’, and walk away
not fearing any ‘smiting’ by gods, demons or
spirits. There will be no more cases of ‘possession’,
nor spiritual healings, no more shrines or alters,
except to the nature of the human, and the actual

NML: So, we are born, we live a life, and then
we die. End of story. Is that it?

GP: In a nutshell, yes. I want to remind that there is
potentially much pleasure, and love, and enjoyment
during that life before death. Maybe the idea of
limited life will be a good thing, no? I mean, if people
finally realize that ‘this is it’, they may begin cooperating
to bring about heaven on Earth, at last. This has always
been within our power, but the ‘religious authorities’
would run their concept of ‘sin’ and ‘afterlife’ and then
we were just too scared to act in our own behalf. But
as of yesterday, nobody has to be scared any more.

NML: You sound as though you are an authority
on pleasure itself. Is that so?

GP: Yes, I am. I hold 3 Doctorates of Hedonic Engineering.

NML: Are you now conducting researches in that area?

GP: Indeed we are. So far, there is no documentation
regarding the upper limits, if any, of the experience
of pleasure, joy and bliss. Our experiments are designed
to bring a volunteer to the highest possible state of pleasure,
by application of various stimulation, relaxation, drugs,
and so on. I cannot reveal much of this now, but eventually
our institute will publish many papers and Youtube videos
of such ecstatic states.

And without the imaginary boogyman of spiritual
retribution, anyone is now completely free to experience
pleasure, with no limits. In our labs, such freedom has
resulted in spectacular changes in outlook and the vision
of a much better future.

NML: I for one, look forward to viewing your research
data, Dr Poole! But have you noted any side-effects?

GP: Well, if you consider deep sleep and good appetite
as ‘side effects’, then yes. But no, so far, pleasure is not
found to be dangerous, except for the routines devised
years ago by ‘behaviourists’ such as BF Skinner and his
ilk. The ‘suicide by pleasure’ brain-wired monkey idea
has been tried and found to be ridiculous. We use only
natural methods and substances in our research, not
holes drilled into the skull.

NML: Thank you, Dr Poole, for a most enlightening


3 thoughts on “Spiritual Dimension Found Missing: Report

  1. bob

    The Pope is filing a class action lawsuit against this article. In hopes of stopping your investigation into pleasure and disappearance of spirt.
    And I heard Jimmy Swaggart went back to his whores before your data was even printed.


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