#5116 – “You can’t half-look at yourself.” – Editor: Jerry Katz


photo: Scott and Kim at CDKU, 88.1FM in Halifax, Nova Scotia

“It was almost as though I wanted to be crucified in every moment of life. If there was a discomfort I’d rush toward it right away.” – Scott MacInnis

Scott and Kim MacInnis were guests on Nonduality Network Talk Radio.

This is the accidental self-inquiry and awakening story of Scott and the sharp turn onto a more intentional spiritual path. The role of Scott’s wife Kim, who was on her own path at the same time, is revealed, and the nature of their interaction and relationship. Scott and Kim are in their early thirties and have two young sons.

Lots of topics. James Traverse joins us in the last half hour to facilitate the interview. You may listen here:


Parenting is one of the topics we talked about. “Honour truth,” Scott says. “I won’t lie to (my sons) and tell them that happiness is out there and that security is out there. I also won’t put the pressure on them of making them have to conform even with my own beliefs and understandings. These are for them to find out on their own, and I’ll always tell them the truth to the best of my ability.”

Kim responds, “It’s a lot for a child to hear that, and I feel it’s my place just to love them. … I want to nurture that aspect because I want them to own their feelings and to be able to understand their feelings.”

Scott says, “We often joke that there are two very different dialects in our house. Kim carries the feelings in the house. That has its own intelligence and language, one I don’t understand very well, so it’s wonderful that she picks of the pieces, in a sense, or shows the kids that other nurturing side and understanding, and validating of their feelings.”

Scott and Kim talk about “meeting in truth” as part of their relationship. “The problems are pointers.”

We talk about how Scott’s everyday life was affected by awakening and how he was brought from the impractical living in a unitive state, back into the world. Realizing the mistake of identifying with bliss as true nature was the beginning of stabilization.

Quotations from Scott MacInnis:

“The I-thought cannot hold up to investigation.”

“I used the strength of my mind to turn it on itself.”

“You can’t half-look at yourself.”

“I learned to listen nakedly without my mind.”

“Awareness is a solvent, it melts everything away.”

“The truth is in silence and to speak at all about it is in a way a violation of it.”

“When you surrender to the flow of life, everything takes care of itself.”

“When you’re empty you respond optimally in a situation.”

“Investigation mows down the false identities. As you bring them up to examine they fall away on their own. Awareness does that on its own; part of its character is to dissolve everything into itself because awareness is what everything is arising within, so false identities cannot stand up to or apart from awareness.” (edited quote)

“The question of who I was stopped and died into this looking and after a while there was a subtle shift that I could only experiene in hindsight and that was when that looking stopped looking for anything, and it was just looking.”

“As you quiet down inside you can watch the show without identifying with it.”

“One is one. It’s not just one with all the good and happy things.”

“It was almost as though I wanted to be crucified in every moment of life. If there was a discomfort I’d rush toward it right away.”

“I have Ramana Maharshi’s picture at home. It’s an example to me of how a presence can be captured in a photograph. I’ve never seen anything like it. Just the eyes … they’re looking at you … but they’re really looking at you. That picture holds me to such a high account in my daily life because, to me, it is the gaze of truth.”

“Everyone has to hear this in the way that fits for them.”

“It seems like the only intelligent thing to do in this life is to really look.”

“Of course we believe we’re separate, because that’s been enforced through our whole life.”

Compassion as “not wanting anyone to be robbed of the opportunity we have in this precious little life.”

Listen to the interview here:


Scott doesn’t have a website, blog, or book. Yet!

2 thoughts on “#5116 – “You can’t half-look at yourself.” – Editor: Jerry Katz

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